i’m drinking spring water in your bedroom naked head swept back and i can feel you watching my every move or memorizing my arms as if we won’t see each other again

when you know that we cannot stop watching the same shows and crying over things like avocado or sad boys and girl without mamas or papas and mothers who shake when they talk about their children knowing they have lost their fight to survive then  you know that something ridiculous as a soul mate does truly exist

only you can’t be together in real life even if he says this is real life you tell him there are no

grocery lists or bills to pay and he smiles and later finally says love you as he turns to the side of the bed after knowing  you for so many years and under so many different hotel rooms

you jump on his side of the bed and say you love me like a child 

all this talk food sex makes you want more in a week or two and ask why you

want him even more and even if the story is not in  chronological order no one knows this but him and he does not care because he gets you in  all your disorder and sees what no one can see

yet this is why you gave up on sanity and lie there in a pirouette with no dance moves 

he eventually runs out of steam you do know how a male body works right?and yours is incessant 

i found your soft spot it’s on the left side of your body under your arm and all along the tracks of your skin to your perfect ass

i fell into it by mistake and on purpose because touching you while naked is like a rush of fresh books in my scent

i brought you everything you asked for and more homemade blueberry pie and bananas in a bread and my toy

i may talk too much to fill up silence or shut up to fill up silence but when i’m in the silence with you i refuse to look at the clock and count how many minutes i have left to touch your soft spot

however i know that speaking about you is like blindfolds on my eyes and your sex in my mouth

a fantasy that spreads 

i don’t want to see a therapist to tell me i am this or that when i have you to give me everything

i lack however you look at us there are no mirrors

***

Photo by Sharon McCutcheon on Unsplash